Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Inevitable Success

"If success was inevitable, would you still put it off?" This is one of my favorite quotes right now. It reminds me that success often boils down to whether or not you truly believe you will accomplish your goal.

When I discovered running in high school, it made me realize that if I was stubborn enough, I could do anything. It didn't matter how long it took, but if I could get stubborn and hang in there, I would finish the task at hand and feel amazing. Once I discovered this, it gave me a huge boost of confidence in the rest of my life because I knew I could do anything I set my mind to.

When I was 17, after six years of training, I got my black belt in Tae Kwon Do. The two hour test was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. At one point, I was told to hit a punching bag for as long as I could. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to stop until they told me to. Forty five minutes later, I'd worn all the skin off my knuckles (I still have faint scars), but I'd done what I set out to do. To this day, this is one of my proudest accomplishments (after childbirth and running a marathon).

In the past, when my weight had crept back up to scary levels, I always knew in the back of my mind that once I buckled down, I would be able to lose it again. Seeing this quote made me realize that this confidence has faded in past months. Suddenly, I don't have the bone-deep knowledge that no matter how difficult the task, I will persevere and succeed. I think when I stopped running this assurance slowly faded. I find myself thinking things like, "What's the point? You're not going to follow through anyway."

Unspeakable joy contained in a tiny person.
You know what? I want it back. I think even more than wanting to lose weight and have more energy, I want to be able to go for a run. I've missed running since about mid-way through my pregnancy, but life being busy and sleep being elusive, I haven't been able to find the time - so I stopped trying. And when I stopped trying, I think I stopped believing I could. I got so wrapped up in the unspeakable joy of our tiny human and the overwhelming stress of money issues and lack of sleep that I forgot about this piece of myself.

I've decided to believe again, to remember that I can do hard things, and to prove to myself that I can still out-stubborn obstacles. I owe it to myself and my family to be the best version of myself I can be.

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